Stolen Spirit

Originally Published Thursday, February 12, 2015


The catalyst for me to write the book Back Story: Breaking the the Cycle of Chronic Pain was half a lifetime of ceaseless agony that was often completely debilitating. This life of pain robbed me of joy, energy and what had always been my positive spirit. Before my pain began I had always been a can-do, upbeat, get it done kind of person. Whenever I felt that things weren't going the way I wanted them to go in life, I always thought to myself 'well you need to work harder, do more, reach out more to get what you want.' And so I did.

After my chronic pain began, and I had experienced several episodes where I was incapable of getting to a standing position without assistance during a 15-20 minute ordeal, my attitude changed. When I normally would have been thinking, what's next, where am I going today, what new thing can I take on in the future, I was now relegated to survival mode. 

How can I get through the day or even the next hour with this constant pain.  I adjusted my expectations downward, and kept my eyes on just getting through the things that were necessary for day-to-day life to continue. There were times when I did feel good enough for outings, hiking, bike riding, even gardening, but I could never be certain that I would feel well enough when the time came.

This loss of spirit happens by degree, little by little over time you become less and less like your old self, and more like your new chronic-pain-self. This is not a form or weakness, it is simply a survival skill, and if you've lived it you know it is a necessary change yourself in order to make life work.

If you are living as your chronic-pain-self, don't give up on your healthy-happy-pain free-self. Keep looking for an answer, don't quit, just keep trying to find a solution to your pain, and hopefully you will be able to return to the you that you want to be.

---